The only film I watched recently that turned out worth watching is “The Equation of Love & Death”. If you found this name strange, there’s another one you cannot be unfamiliar – Li Mi de Cai Xiang.

 

The story happens in Kunming, a city of spring all year around. Zhou Xun plays Li Mi, a common but plucky cab driver secretly nursing a broken heart and obsession—her boyfriend, Fang Wen, disappeared four years ago and never showed up ever since. The only way she can hear from her boyfriend is the letters he wrote to her, which she religiously stores and memorizes. 54 letters, 54 dates, 54 numbers, Li Mi has been suffering with the secrets among these numbers.  She’s caught between faith and desperation, and nothing seems could rescue her out of the trap. All she could do is waiting, waiting for his appearance, or just another letter. The sad thing is that she never knows when it’s gonna be. But it is also her source of determination. Li Mi firmly believes that Fang Wen still lives in her world. She just doesn’t know where he hides.

 

Li Mi always wears a flyaway shirt, and a cigarette is either between her lips or fingers. I cannot tell her age. Her skin seems more aging than her actual age because of smoking. I don't know. Maybe you’ve ever seen a cab driver like her in your city, but you might never give a guess at why she would choose to drive a cab. She passes every road and street to find her lover. Each passenger reaches their destinations but Li Mi is still looking for hers. When she finally found him, Fang Wen denied his identity. Li Mi cried, and I guess Fang Wen hurt no less than Li Mi at this moment. A word occurred to me saying that, the longest distance at this world is not how far we’re distanced; it is that I stand right in front of you, but you don't know I love you.

 

There’s always distance between dreams and realities, and as Fang Wen said, there’s price for everything. How long will you wait for someone you love? Li Mi has waited for 4 years, and in the end, she finally found that he loves her as well and as much.

 

It’s all worth it.

不过是两个月前的事，感觉却仿佛像是已过了很久很久。

 

总是努力去想起和他在一起的场面，尽管最常想起的都是那些他临终前在病床上的日子，而想起这些会如此让人难过和忧伤。

 

因为我怕慢慢的，慢慢的，我就会忘了去想起他。想再记起时记忆却无从着落。于是从此不再和他有关联。

 

夜里梦见他。醒时心里疼痛却觉得真实而且安稳。愿意因此相信有另一个时空的世界存在，可以与已逝的亲人相见。只是无从捕捉，也不知道从入口在哪里。

 

时间依旧流驶。只是在不经意间看到或者听到某些东西时，脑子立总是会闪过与他有关的画面。其实我多么愿意对爱人可以有这样的敏感。对于他那么多的放弃，他的坦诚和用心，我感激，羞愧却无以为报。

 

始终无法做到向其他人完全敞开心扉。并非觉得除了自己没有人可以信赖和依靠，也不是害怕受到伤害。也许是自闭，性格里缺乏全盘托出的彻底；也许是太虔诚地信奉彼此之间毋须有太多言语便应有那种自然的默契；也许仅仅是因为不善于，于是更厌恶表达。

 

多么希望不用言说，就会有人明白我。